Verdict: Not Guilty

"There is therefore, now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Period."

The pastor of our small evangelical church here on the "sunny southeast" coast of Ireland looked straight at me. Locking eyes with his, the truth sank deep into my heart.
"You have been set free...", echoed through the hollow, closed off recesses of my soul once again. My conscious mind pulled forth a verse, buried with my childhood, "..do not let yourself, again, be burdened by a yoke of slavery".
Let myself.
The verse says "Let yourself", implying that one can make a choice to be burdened by guilt and shame. However, if this is true, then the reverse would also be true: it is also a choice to be free. Free from "the sin that so encumbers us."
Encumbered. Defined by Webster as, "to be restricted or burdened (someone or something) in such a way that free action or movement is difficult."
I have experienced difficulty of free action or movement. I experience it every day in my fear of people, of circumstance, of situation. I live daily, encumbered. Did I choose this?
In not choosing the freedom that Christ came to give me, I am choosing to be encumbered, to be burdened and restricted. Jesus gave up his freedom as God for the limitations of man, so that humanity can experience that freedom. What sacrifice.
And I choose to be encumbered.

The pastor continued preaching as I sat, surrounded by people of all denominations, countries and cultures, reveling in my poor choice.
"Why?" I asked God in the silence of my mind. "Why do I do that? Why do I let myself be burdened by guilt and shame that is not mine? That has already been taken away from me?"
I pictured Jesus in the garden, bathed in the soft glow of the morning sun streaming in through dense green foliage. I could see beautiful red flowers, the color of the blood that sweated from his brow. I heard him ask the Lord if there was any way that he wouldn't have to bear what he was about to bear, and I heard the silent answer. And then I saw him, lifeless, on the cross.

Jesus knew the pain he was about to bear and wished to be delivered from it by the only one who could. When God didn't deliver him, he went ahead. Jesus stepped out in faith, faith in the God of the universe. Faith in truth, the truth that would set mankind free. He had faith that through him, God would carry out his deep love and compassion for humanity. He trusted that no amount of shame he would endure could compare with the glory that was to follow. He trusted in what he could not see. He trusted God's plan.

And therein lay my answer. It is easy to have faith in the historical account of the cross, but to believe that freedom was released with the action is another matter. Sin is so strong in the world, and it causes me to be confused, to forget that I am free. I daily ask the Lord to remind me of that freedom. To remind me that no matter the devastating circumstances, the discouragement, loss or betrayal that can come on a daily basis, I serve a God who is bigger than the results of sin in the world. If God is stronger than Satan, then freedom is stronger than guilt and shame. We just have to choose to believe it.

Romans 8:1
Galatians 5:1
Hebrews 12:1